i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
