So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
