i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
