i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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