Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
