she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
