Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
