Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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