thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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