I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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