how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
