We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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