I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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