I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
