If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
