For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
