i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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