I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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