That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
