I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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