did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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