Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
