Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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