don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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