Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
