I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
