I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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