Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
