He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
