I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Four minutes until I can fart!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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