I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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