I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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