At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
