I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
