she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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