if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
soo... how was my night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
