At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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