my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
