lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
