when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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