i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
