direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
