its not stalking. its research.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
