My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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