it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
