pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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