Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
