Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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