Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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