pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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