After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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