a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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