i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
