it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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