and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
