I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
