how can u be prego again
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
