He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
