somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
