I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
