This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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