There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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