I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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