LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there is glitter all over my balls
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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