My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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