he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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