My brain says no but my pants say off.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
