she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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