If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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